one way ticket to hell.

i might have a one way ticket to hell. or at least dating hell. (for those of you who aren't familiar with my random thoughts on hell, i separate various hells. for example, people who are bad friends go to friend hell. people who are bad with their families go to family hell. and so on and so forth.) so, it is currently dating hell for me.

see, there is this guy at work who is fun and who i do like, but only in the short term, let's hang out and not be serious sense. certainly not in the "wow, you are awesome and i want to spend lots of time with you for an undetermined amount of time." so, while i am interested in short and low key, he appears to be more interested in the more serious option. so....what do i do? oh, it's easy. i say yes when he asks me to do something, regardless of if i want to or not (it's easier than saying no and making him feel badly...frelled up, i know, but one of my issues) and then if i decide i REALLY don't want to do whatever it is i have committed to, i just call and cancel. case and point - i was supposed to go to a movie tonight with him, but i just called and feigned a friend emergency that necessitated my attention immediately. now, i wouldn't normally mind going to a movie, but i did just hang out with him last night for several hours (a long time) and don't really feel that i want to hang out with him again already. but instead of telling him all of this, as clearly i should have, i fibbed. or lied. thus, i will be in dating hell. in case anyone is looking for me.

on an unrelated note, i didn't make it home last night, due to some alcohol consumption. so, this morning, when i rolled in the house, stumbling in my jeans, pointy shoes and tank top, reeking of a mix of miller light, oberon and jager, seeing maggie in the entry way waiting for me was the last thing i wanted. but yeah, she was there anyhow. arms crossed and scold securely fastened upon her face. agh. yeah, she wasn't really mad, just more concerned. (bear in mind, i live all the way across the country eight months out of the year where she has NO idea what i am doing or when i am coming home, but that appears to be irrelevant.) anyhow, instead of going promptly to bed (i had accumulated TWO hours of sleep by eight am) as i really really wanted to, i sucked it up, sprayed some perfume and joined family sunday morning, which consists of getting chai (me) and lattes (mags and carrol) before wandering through the grocery store buying various things for the large family brunch that followed. yeah, that was a real treat.

camping under a booth.

yeah, i really don't have much to note, however, out of a sense of some sort of obligation, i'll scrounge up the fun events of the last few days and splice them together in an attempt to offer some entertainment.

alright, so got done with work saturday night a bit early, say around midnight. ran into one of my brother's best friends there, so a good friend of mine as well, drinking...so, i pulled up a chair at the bar and commenced drinking some bell's oberon myself. well, about two beers later, i ran into a good friend of mine from the restaurant, so we joined her and continued our beer consumption. now, lest we all forget (as i did saturday night) that the kidney/blood pressure medicine that i am taking kills my drinking tolerance and renders me pretty wasted in about four beers time. but i was doing good, only being on my third beer, when alisa and i looked up and saw a neat little row of three shots each, or six shots total, of tequila (specifically, jose 151) lined up in front of us. i looked quickly at her, getting ready to accuse her of such bad taste, when we both noticed our head boss, the owner of this and other restaurants and bars, toasting us with his own shot. agh. sigh. i briefly wrestled in my own mind with whether or not one could refuse shots (3 shots. of jose 151. ick.) bought for them by their boss. yeah, i realized you can't. so, we took all three like the little troopers we are. and were absolutely retarded from that point on. this is her and i, running, drunk, around the very same bar we work at, trying to do this and that. one of our tasks was an attempt to fix a vacuum, but in actuality, it wasn't broken until we started fixing it. never good. according to bystanders, the result was not only a broken vacuum, but alisa and i were also discovered to be hiding under a booth pretending that we were camping and roasting marshmallows. who the hell knows really. anyhow, was obviously in no shape to drive the entire mile and a half home, so had to have my brother's buddy drop me off. rather embarrassing at the age of 24 really. and certainly certainly woke up with a raging hangover yesterday morning. ick. hate tequila.

now, this morning, woke up sans the hangover, but with an 87 year old in the house. maggie's aunt kay is here visiting, so at nine am i got to meet this gem of a women (no sarcasm, she really is quite interesting). i, of course, being the lazy person i am, was, and really honestly, am still in my pajamas, but she was not only already dressed for the day, in her dress, but also had full make up on. seriously, i don't wear make up, but the least i could have done was probably get dressed. oh well, life goes on i imagine. can't really help it when one is out performed by an 87 year old suffering from jet lag from her cross country flight. i mean, honestly, the woman surely has a clear advantage of me...considering my age of 24, my bed time of earlier than hers and my lengthy commute of a mile and a half to and home from work. right. i suck.

okay, enough. the best i have to offer right now, due to my obvious stressful and uber important lifestyle. uh huh, feel free to laugh.

the injustice of it all.

so, in an effort to be responsible and realize my limitations, especially right now in my life, i went to the obgyn today to get a depo shot, to ensure i would be producing no small children anytime soon. sounds pretty simple, right?

WRONG! honestly, i get there, early, fill out several forms all wanting random information that i am not entirely sure of, thus i end up being creative and making some of it up, which i have conflicted feelings about, but whatever. moving on, i fill out the complicated forms, using my creative genius. then i wait. and wait. and wait. a long time mind you. long enough to drink a venti soy extra hot no water chai. and to read sixty five pages in my current book. then i get called back. and once i am back there, things move just as slowly. they consult my chart. note that i have high blood pressure and kidney issues (still unclear about those, but again, whatever). note that i have a consent form from a nephrologist that i have never actually seen yet, but again, whatever. they take my blood pressure, noting that while it is indeed lower than last time, it is still high, almost too high to give me the shot. so, they tell me to take several deep breaths and to calm down. picture yourself in a serene spot. uh huh...my serene spot at that time included me with a gaggle of children surrounding me all whining and crying due to my lack of birth control.

right, so let me get this straight. you want me to relax. to calm down. but yet, you are telling me that i might not be able to get the damn shot which i want so that i don't have any small children in the near future?! right, well, no pressure there. honestly. anyhow, after three more readings of the blood pressure, i think the nurse fudged it to the doctor, sympathizing with me greatly, ensuring that i could get the shot and not reproduce for awhile. i really appreciated this, given that my anxiety was only increasing with the repeated blood pressure tests. anyhow, after such an ordeal, i was finally allowed the treat of getting a shot squarely in my arse (the book i am reading is by an english author...the use of arse is a shout out to that...almost used blimey, but i am unsure of the actual meaning, whereas arse i understand), which hurt quite a bit.

and just to make things so much better, the silly doctor informed me, just after she stuck me with the needle, that i need to be wary of weight gain on this particular method of birth control...agh! i already run and work out, but now that i have to be even more careful, i will be all that more neurotic and obsessive. hence the four mile hilly and hot run i went on as soon as i got home from the doctor's office. i might be insane. it is possible.

on unrelated fronts, the pistons won! yeah! i followed the tournament games pretty closely, and really enjoyed them. watched the final one down in some totally desolate bar in sister lakes with gabe, but had a great time. it was pretty much just him, me, and a couple of his buddies, drinking and watching the game. and again, i have reconfirmed that the medicine for the blood pressure greatly hinders my drinking tolerance, rendering me wasted in about half the time. ha, lucky gabe for having to deal with wasted me. he does well though, must be all that experience with small foreign children...has given him good amounts of patience and a good ability to make peanut butter toast. anyhow, fun times.

and now i feel the need to do some napping, due to the compulsive exercise.

plagued.

i am being plagued by crazy pyscho insane dreams. seriously, i'm not sure if my random sleeping hours are to blame, because going to bed at four am consistently after working for twelve hours is a change, but nothing that odd. or perhaps it is the kidney thing, which i wish i knew more about, but given my current lack of health insurance and not being millionaire, i can't go specialist until a later date, so due to a lack of a better explanation, i'm blaming the dreams on the kidneys. damn kidneys.

anyhow, the dreams are just ridiculous. in one i was being chased by nameless and unknown small children who are trying to steal my two teddy bears that i sleep with every night and have ever since i was three. i'm torn in the dream, because there is no frelling way i'm giving up the bears, timmy teddy brown and hackley, but i also don't want to have to physically injure small children. i keep waking up before it comes to any sort of blows...but i'm pretty sure i would have hurt them in order to keep the bears...seriously, i've had them since i was three. those damn kids can get their own bears.

another entails me waiting on a table of seriously 65 people who all want something that i can't give them, whether it be as simple as pepsi, when all we have is coke. or pitchers of beer on a sunday morning when according to state law i can't serve alcohol until noon. it is just absolutely ridiculous, there are sixty five damn picky difficult mean people. it must be a dream compiling all of my shitty watiressing experiences and putting all those people at one table. either way, this dream just blows. i end up getting seriously irate, yet trying to remain sweet and calm (which i don't really pull off all that well in real life, let alone when i am stressed and irate), but i think i eventually end up throwing a pitcher of coke at some asshole guy.

also had a dream where i was making out with a girl that i know from high school and people were watching, people i know too, not just random faces. not totally odd and perhaps the least disturbing, but still ranking up on the a little weird list, given not that i was making out with a girl, that isn't all that odd, given the greater social acceptance of not only lesbian relationships, but of girls experimenting just for fun, even if they are straight (hell, cosmo just had an article about girls kissing girls just for fun), but the fact that it was a girl that i haven't seen or even thought of in a good number of years...and when i was around her, i didn't even get along with her all that well (shocker, i know...i don't get along with all that many girls, honestly) is a little bit different.

perhaps the most stressful and perplexing is the dream where i am back in my elementary school, where evidently i go to law school. in the dream i can't for the frelling life of me find my locker anywhere. i am surrounded by all of these white lockers and i can't find mine anywhere. i'm constrained by time, given i need to get to class, but i can't find the damn locker...and this is terrible for me. i hate being lost in places by myself (hate it! one of my biggest fears...) and i also hate hate hate being late for things. and as my stress reaches new heights a boy that i have some history with from law school wanders up in an attempt to maybe help me (unsure, he's not real helpful in real life, so why would he be in dream life? actually, in real life he is downright unhelpful although somewhat fun and amusing, but always when doing something that we both know is wrong)...so, he's distracting me, yet i still feel stressed. i am worrying at this point not only about the missing locker, amongst the hundreds of white lockers to choose from, but also the class that i am surely late for. then a boy, one of my favorite boys (i am the only girl that made him cry over a broken heart...back in the fifth grade and who shares the name matt, as so many boys in my life do), whom i have known since grade school appears...and i ditch the law school boy (feeling little guilt, if i remember correctly) and follow the favorite grade school boy, who leads me to my locker, alleviating my stress at the lost locker and pending class that i might have been missing. what does this mean? honestly. i may need to get back to a therapist just to interpret my dreams.

this isn't a comprehensive list of all the strange dreams as of late, but it details the highlights...

honestly, will someone just get me a beer?

i love waitressing, i really do. i kinda think of it as my dream screw off job...one of the reasons i love being a student, since it is completely acceptable to spend my summers waiting tables, but honestly, tonight i just wanted someone to get me a beer, preferably a miller light or an oberon...is that too much to ask? yeah, it is, and honestly, that is okay, because i made good money. the miller light reps were in the bar tonight handing out free beer and miller light stuff, always a treat to have flashing pins adorning your clothes (reminds me of flare, which reminds me of a great movie...office space). anyhow, there were a couple of miller light girls there, who oddly enough also work for hooters here in town. anyhow, got to chatting with one of them for a bit and at some point, she asked me if i was interested in quitting the sports bar scene and trying hooters out...yeah, i thanked her, but really, it isn't my scene. so, now hooter's for me, but maybe as a fall back plan. i hear that they have great wings. right. anyhow, the great thing about the sports bar atmosphere is that people are almost always there...given it is basketball finals, but also golf, car racing (my least favorite...so white trash), hockey...i even think the summer olympics are coming soon. not to mention that i think some just come in for the in restaurant trivia...but regardless, it is a busy bar/restaurant and i benefit from that. quite well, in the case of tonight.

had a good day, not only because of being profitable at work, but also had a good morning/afternoon prior to work. got some good solid reading in while laying out in the sun (love michigan summers....especially now that the torrential rains have ceased) and also had a good fun visit with matt, a fun friend from undergrad, who just happened to be in town for something work related. it was good to see him, brightened up my day. anyhow, all around good times.

gabe and lois came up for dinner last night, which was quality. went to one of the really pretty parts of grand rapids, sat out on a deck over looking a lake and drank some beer and ate some good food. got to know lois better, which is great. very glad she extended her stay so that i could actually meet and talk to her sober, versus the last time i met her.

alright, nothing real exciting...which for me is pretty damn good. but off to bed....my feet are exhausted. odd how just one part of the body feels the tiredness.

over analyzed...

some might say that i over analyze things. not all things, but some things...frequently things and situations that do not really merit such thought. and while some would say that, i would even venture to agree. anyhow, lately i have had a slew of things stirring around in my mind, causing me some angst and others angst as well, generally because they had to listen and deal with me while i stewed. anyhow, i am relieved to say that, yet again, that the powers that be have again proven that i am wasting a great deal of energy worrying sometimes.

i've had a busy few days. i've been working crazy hours, going into the restaurant around four in the afternoon and getting out around three am. it makes for a long day and a short night, given my complete inability to sleep later than eight. but it is good, because i am making money and not giving myself as much opportunity to spend money. always a bonus for me, given my talent at vastly under thinking my finances.

i had the pleasure of meeting lois a couple nights ago. it was a good experience...gabe is one of my best friends and now i have a completed picture, or a more complete picture, of his life. i understand the situation more and that is always a bonus. plus, honestly, how could i turn down such a hoppin' bar in a hot bed of sister lakes? i brought along a friend from undergrad and had a very memorable time, both at the bar and on the drive home...a very fun night, all things considered (all things considered being the loss of one of my favorite shoes...i think i surrendered it to the rest stop gods...but i can't really accurately recall.)

what else? not much, honestly. or at least nothing meriting a discussion. hope all is well with everyone. and on the off chance that anyone stops by a rest stop somewhere outside of the battle creek area and finds a black pointy shoe, it would be mine.

little miss smarty pants....

well, i kinda constitute little miss smarty pants right now, but really only according to my own frelled (caleb, i am so stealing frelled from you, but i think it is incredibly creative and effective, so props to you.) standards.

bottom line, i just got my grades from this past semester of law school, and to my surprise and glee, i did well. actually, (again according to my standards) i did really well. i pulled all a's and high b's, with not a single b- or c of any sort in sight. (kinda rhymes, which amuses me right now...but that might be the four hours of sleep i got.) anyhow, i am thrilled. it was a tough semester, with some hard classes. i mean seriously, who really understands the federal rules of evidence? who even cares to understand them? certainly not myself, but i even got a good grade in that class as well. but i actually studied this year and even overcame the ex of over six years dropping a bomb on me a wee two hours prior to one of the big exams, pulling in my second best grade in that class. his news having such a small impact, if not perhaps no impact at all, somehow gives me the belief that i really am done with that chapter of my life, which is bittersweet, but right now, more sweet than bitter.

so, i am happy about this. so happy in fact that i am going to treat myself to a soy chai. yeah, but only after i go run in the rain. i love running in the rain, primarily because i feel totally free to splash in the puddles and secondly because sometimes there are ducks out and i heart ducks. quick flashback for you all...back in undergrad i studied abroad to england, scotland, ireland and france. i believe somewhere in england our gang had gone on a tour of a very old castle in the pouring down english rain. i was super excited though, because i kept seeing all of these amazing ducks all over the estate. finally, after much meandering (because one meanders when in england) i stumbled upon a duckery! (somewhat like a nunnery, but minus the nuns and plus ducks...or yeah, it was really a duck pond with a sign that said duckery.) anyhow, i was SO happy about this. it was absolutely necessary in my mind to get a picture of myself in front of the duckery...regardless of the pouring down rain. so, i get positioned and am waiting for someone in the group to take to photo, but all of being hungover, things are moving slowly and in that hungover state, i lose my balance (actually, i am not real coordinated, i fall even not hung over) and tumble ever so gracefully into the damn duckery. which was full of ducks. and dirty ducky water. it was like one giant mud puddle with tons of ducks. needless to say, it was a very funny moment and a great picture. and you know, i still love ducks...according to gabe, i even walk somewhat similar to a duck...which i am taking as a compliment, even though that is a questionable inference. but hey, it's my damn blog and i can draw all sorts of inferences.

alright, back to the joys of living in a newly constructed home, which is certainly incredibly beautiful, but sometimes frustrating. specific to this instance there were no peeking half toothed builders or random workers waking me up, but instead a broken hot water heater...so, cold showers for me. now, i know cold showers can serve an important function, but really, i'm not in the frame of mind or physical desperation where i need to utilize such a freezing shower, but whatever, i'll roll with it, given i have absolutely NO ability to fix it given my total lack of mechanical skills. word on the street (or around the house) is that a new one will be installed later today, amazingly when i am at work, so i won't actually have to deal with anyone fixing things for a day. such a treat.

alright, enough from me. i finished work last night at 1 am and am now getting ready to go back in...the whole late night shift back to back with the lunch shift kinda blows, but whatever, i need some frelling (thank you caleb) money.